I’ve been a therapist for almost twenty years and I have also taught a number of classes. I’m always amazed at how many parents go through this process from the very beginning. When you go through the process all the way to reaching out to their child, you learn so much about yourself and become a better parent. I have found that the most difficult aspect of my job is meeting parents and children from all walks of life.
Although not a therapist myself, I have spent a lot of time with parents who are trying to deal with the death-of-child/parent syndrome. I have even had to do a few parent training classes for teenagers who are struggling with grief and sadness, because it is clear that the process is harder for them than I imagined. And I have also had to deal with parents who, having lost a child, have had the experience of seeing their child return and being welcomed to their family.
The first thing to recognize is that the grieving process is not for everyone. A parent might have to mourn the death of a child for years, never feeling fully or completely at peace again, until they decide to take the time to grieve. But the fact is that grief is a natural part of life and the grieving process does not have to be a full-on assault on your identity.
The good news is that the grieving process can be very helpful. Once you’re able to accept that you are, in fact, bereft of a child, you will be able to experience the grief in a way that will help you deal with and even recover from the sadness. It is very likely, however, that you will have to go through a period of grieving while you’re still grieving.
Yes, grief can be a very isolating experience. But one of the things that makes grief so powerful is that it can bring us back into the world of the living, too. For some people, the process of grief can be emotionally draining and they struggle with the idea of being able to grieve. But the fact is that you can grieve without letting the process be a full-blown assault on your identity.
If youre grieving, think about what youre grieving about.
The reason that it is so difficult to grieve is that it is impossible to have a clear sense of what you are grieving about. It is impossible to know what youre grieve because you can only let your emotions run free. So instead of letting your emotions run free, you have to force them to be a little more controlled.
As with any trauma, it’s important to know the difference between the two and to be able to recognize when you are in the grip of your emotions so that you can let them go. You can do this by remembering that it is the emotions (and not the body) that are the ones that are the most important. It’s important to remember that your emotions are as real as your physical body.
In therapy, a great way to begin to control and manage your emotions is to talk yourself through them. Most people who suffer from anxiety or depression will tell you that they cannot control their emotions. Yet they are not able to control their emotions because they do not know what they are afraid of. They can not control their emotions because they do not know what they are feeling. They need to be reminded of this.
This is one of those things I hear a lot from young people who are newly diagnosed, but have not been to therapy. They are often told that they aren’t allowed to have feelings. Yet for some reason, they are afraid of them. They think it’s somehow a sign of weakness, or that it won’t turn out for the best. But it’s not. It’s simply human nature.
